Hey I'm Jessica, I'm 23, and just trying to have as many adventures as possible. passion is what makes us unique. I like to talk and sometimes have interesting things to say outside of that I'm just another person trying to find their way in this ever-changing world.
Chicken Nachos….these used to be the highlight of my eating career while living in Florida but I think more than that it’s what the nachos meant. Good times, good people, good memories. So why do you ask am I craving chicken nachos? Well isn’t it obvious I’m starving for some good old fashion gossip.
I think sometimes we forget just how much fun it is to crowd around a table and spill our guts to the people with us; for instance if I was doing that such thing today I might talk endlessly about the major hotties who happen to work across the mall from me. The one is fairly old news because Mr. Buckle caught my eye back in June but Mr. Best Buy Mobile just started working and is definitely some eye candy. Where fact though I have friends that know who they are and coincidentally they both have the same name. Because my life isn’t complicated enough I’m definitely checking out two guys with the same name.
Not that anything would ever happen between either and I’m not even sure I remember how to flirt it’s been so long time since there was a good guy in my life who I would be willing to turn my charm on for. Today was a good day I’m coming further out of my hole and an appearance from my old pal “Graham” definitely helped.
So today I’m craving Chicken Nachos a staple in any persons diet (at least anyone who has ever been to The Ale House). More importantly I’m longing for the days when I finally have my group of friends back together so I can gossip about cute boys and we can just hang out and enjoy some layered uber-delicious chicken nachos. So if anyone knows how to deliver the world’s best Chicken Nachos with perhaps a Pina Colada to little old Kentucky I would love you forever.
*As an after thought I got new neighbors today. I mean seriously how dense do you have to be to not even realize the house next to you has finally been sold. Survey is still out on who they are or if they will be any good but one can always hope!
Leaving Disney was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I’ve done it twice now so I must be a sucker for pain, but sometimes leaving the things and people you love open you up to so many more things. Though if I had known leaving would leave to more eye surgery and “acid mouth” I may have fought harder to stay, but I’m once again getting ahead of myself.
Two weeks ago I was attending the most insane convention I have ever been to Leaky Con, a place for Harry Potter fans of all ages to come and as I like to see “geek out.” It was an amazing weekend making new friends from Texas who happened to keep popping up as our line buddies, dancing the night away at the Charity Ball and who could forget breaking a Guinness Book World Record in footie pajamas. But more than all these things, more than ending up on the same floor as my favorite StarKids, I was reminded of one important thing that I had lost in the last year. Passion. The ability to be so passionate about something that it not only brings you closer to people but it allows you to completely immerse yourself in your work and in the end it makes you a better person. When I finally realized that this passion was what I had been lacking in the last few months I remembered why I took the leap to move home in the first place. I needed to find that passion that drove me to be a better version of myself, and once again I’m searching for it.
So what does this have to do with Disney or leaving it and friends you might ask? Everything. For a long time I didn’t have people outside of family and very close friends believe that I could do whatever it was I put my mind to and then I moved to Florida. For the first time my sense of adventure was awakened and I met people who had full faith in me no matter what. In truth that’s where this page originated; more than just blood deals with the fact that there is more to family than just blood it spans continents, years, heartache, adventure, lose and love. For the first time in a while I had friends who believed in my passion and thoughts, they didn’t laugh but listened intently offering advice and opinions when I asked for them…sometimes even when I didn’t! But they had done the one thing I needed they SUPPORTED me in my passion and gave me strength when I needed it most.
About 6 weeks ago I made a hard decision not to return to Disney just yet; it was one of the hardest things I had to decide and money aside (why is it that money seems to be continually controlling our lives these days) in truth the timing wasn’t right. With my broken body it’s been hard lately I feel like I’m living in an 81 year-old body with the adventurous spirit of a 23 year-old and the waiting room at the eye doctor’s office today seemed to prove me right. But more than my body my spirit was broken at the time; when I was at Disney with my best friend as much as it felt like home I left almost feeling more alone than I had started. Christine was still there but where was the rest of my support group? They were scattered all over the world and the hole in my heart just seemed to be getting bigger with time I didn’t have any type of passion to fill it and so I broke in every single way. I pushed everyone away and just worked; I woke up went to work spent my whole day there and then came home and crawled back into my hole and lost myself in the fictitious world of whatever movie I happened to pop in the old DVD player or come across on Netflix. I LOST MYSELF
Then Leaky Con happened and I finally started coming out of my hole; I started to see things again and enjoy where I was and what I was doing and I remembered my passion. I remembered the happiness that came from something you could support and share with the people you know and loved. I’ve almost come completely out of my dark hole and have a lot of groveling to do to a certain someone but I faith that she’ll forgive me because after all that’s what best friends do they are always there for you even if you don’t realize it, they love and support you in your time of need and they never leave you because even in the darkness when you have almost completely lost yourself they stay in the most important place, YOUR HEART. So what does one do once they realize all this? They shoot for the moon so on this absolutely neurotic post that wont make sense to anybody except those close to me I PLEDGE this. I will do everything in my power not to lose my way again. I will fight for what I believe in and I will absolutely never ever forget that my friends are my family because we are more than just blood.
P.S. I also reserve the right to cry uncontrollably the next time we see, speak, text each other.
P.P.S. I have finally started pre-production of my first documentary which will be called, “The Colonel’s Challenge” a look at how much a year can change a life with lots of passion and friends can we truly make ourselves better? Can we change the world?
P.P.P.S That’s a whole lot of P’s but in case anybody happens to come across this post and they are curious to where all this came from it’s quite simple, my best friend Christine let me know she was here for me in the way only she could, Music. Today I needed her support and love and I found it though it was never gone I was just overlooking it somehow…I do stupid things sometimes!
this is for you colonel, it’ll get better, it’ll always does <3
Sometimes you miss the tiniest thing that could make it all better….but as in my case I think finding THIS today was fate, destiny or whatever you like to call it. Hopefully turnupxthemusic will check back later I think she’ll be interested in what I have to tell.
Sometimes I really wonder what it must be like to have a body that doesn’t seem to always have a problem. Like I wasn’t enough off a freak already we first added diabetes, then came the lovely cataracts that had to be cut out of my eyes and replaced with new and improved man made lens plus little bits of this and that along the year. Now though in the last month and a half we’ve added two more fantastic flaws to my ever sucking body. First off I suffer from “acid mouth” as I like to call it; attractive right? Well long story short everyone’s mouth has an acid level and while most normal human beings average a score of 1,500 I and all my glory average one of 7,500 charming I know. Why might you ask am I plagued with such an oddity? Diabetes of course, what the hell else would it be. If that wasn’t enough to but frosting on my already deteriorating self, turns out cataract surgery isn’t fool prove and I am in the small percentile that is going to have some type of laser eye procedure to clear up something small that has a really long name but just came out to me as, “Well Jessica, looks like we are going to bill you hundreds of dollars because your life sucks and you unfortunately got stuck with diabetes,” but I’m not bitter at all. The worst part of it all is that I can barely afford anything right now so my parents being fabulous and amazing as they are have to pick up my bill all because I had to go and get stupid diabetes, but I’m not angry. No I’m happy go lucky Jessica who has a whole future ahead of her just as long as the diabetes doesn’t get me, right?
It’s a funny thing 10 years ago I was so happy to finally have an answer to all the problems I had been dealing with. Finding out I had diabetes saved my life; I can’t argue that and I can’t be upset about it. Though I often wonder what it would have been like to be healthy to never have been put through the two years where my friends constantly talked behind my back and none of them seemed to believe or support me. Would I have turned out differently? None of it matters because I don’t regret anything I have done in my life or any of the choices I’ve mad because without them I wouldn’t be who I am today, working body or not.